I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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