I'm so fucking centered right now
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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