i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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