Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
