from now on my penis is your penis
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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