so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
