Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
