I wish I could teleport
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
this hospital has no fireball
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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