NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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