cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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