pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
