I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
