I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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