do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
