Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
