You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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