it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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