so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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