Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
