If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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