Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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