I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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