He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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