Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
