What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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