My brain says no but my pants say off.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
