Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
