I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
