At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
