based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
