Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
where are my eyebrows?
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