i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you had me at cake vodka
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
