I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
