Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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