As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
