my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
