I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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