omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
