careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
