there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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