God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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