Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
being pregnant is like rehab
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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