My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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