i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
