we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
