Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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