you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
