Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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