I met the friendliest cop last night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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