The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just google imaged poop.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
