Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
