I need to stop coming to work sober
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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