This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I skipped work to stalk him.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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