My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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