somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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