I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
