Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
