cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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