after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
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