Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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