think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
