He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
