Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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