I just made out with a guy for $7.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
