when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize