What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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