Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
