Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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