I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
