u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
