He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
