oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
