My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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