never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
